The Importance of Boundary Setting

In recent weeks, especially with the holidays bringing families together, boundary-setting has been coming up often, in and outside the therapy office. I notice that for many, “boundaries,” as a concept, seems to be confusing and not very clear as to what is meant by them. This can lead to relationship difficulty, because boundaries play out in so many facets of life. You might be asking yourself whether your own boundaries are adequate…. Try asking yourself the following questions…

• Do you ever feel like you invest more than you receive in relationships with partners, family, friends, or even strangers?

• Do you feel resentful, or that you are being taken advantage of in relationships?

• Do you feel a little annoyed most of the time, or find yourself feeling as if you are mistreated?

• Do you worry about the disapproval from others if you were to choose to say no or do what’s right for you?

• Do you often feel compelled to “fix things” for those who are close to you (emotionally, or otherwise)?

• Do you worry others won’t think you’re a good friend, partner, son, daughter, etc, if you don’t do what they are asking from you?

• Do you fear that setting a limit would lead to argument or confrontation?

• Do you say “yes” when you mean “no” out of habit, or just to avoid unpleasant interactions.

• Do you go out of your way to ensure that other people’s comforts, wants, and needs are satisfied at the expense of your own?

While most people occasionally struggle with boundary setting, if these questions sound a bit too familiar, it might help to give your boundaries some re-working.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are a limit between you and another person. Simply put, it’s about knowing where you end and others begin. Knowing what’s yours and what’s not. It’s about acknowledging that every adult is responsible for themselves. Having a functioning boundary means taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, and definitely NOT taking responsibility for the actions and emotions of others. We have boundaries and we can regulate how impenetrable they are (meaning what we let in and out) when it comes to physical, mental and emotional aspects of ourselves and others.

Maintaining boundaries is like being the gatekeeper of your life in order to keep yourself emotionally safe and well. Imagine you are a house, with a front and back door. If you keep your front door unlocked and back door open all the time, anyone is free to walk in, do as they please, and stay as long as they want. On the other hand, if you keep the doors shut and locked with the curtains drawn, you end up isolated, and miss out on connecting with others. Many go from one of these extremes to the other and this causes a lot of emotional instability in relationships. We know that the healthiest type of boundary is one that is appropriately and purposefully open to some people, in some situations, some of the time, and closed to others, at other times. How well we communicate these boundaries can either protect or hurt relationships.

How Do You Set and Keep Boundaries?

1. The first step tends to be to create time to get to know yourself, and practice feeling worthy of setting and maintaining boundaries. Often when we allow our boundaries to be crossed, we feel as though we are being generous, maybe because we feel (or have been taught) it’s the only way to be a “good person” or the only way to have worth or value in our lives. It’s important to recognize that being “worthy” does not come from our achievements or generosity toward others, but because like every person, we simply are!  Reinforce that you are worthy by being kind and compassionate toward yourself and taking good care of your emotional health. You may feel as though a good relationship means you take care of others at your own expense, and you hope they will take care of you in the same way in return, but this only creates boundary chaos. Instead,you can take care of you first. You may instinctively think of this as selfish, but it isn’t. By meeting your own needs, you respect yourself and the other by taking responsibility for your own well-being.

2. The second step is about defining your limits. In other words, in each situation, ask yourself what you are responsible for and what is outside your scope. If your partner wants you to do something, ask yourself, “would I like to invest in my relationship in this specific way?” If yes, then you can do it within your boundary. Then ask yourself, “does this come at the expense of my well-being?” “Will my resentment grow if I do it?” If yes to either, there is a good chance this is outside your healthy boundary. Give yourself the power to own the choices you make, and avoid doing anything that you will come to resent. Make choices that you feel are right for you (not because you feel like you have to, fear the consequences, or think “that’s what it takes to be a good person”), but because you feel confident with the choice no matter what the outcome may be.

3. The third step is to practice assertiveness! First noticing when your boundaries are being tested, then, communicating your opinion and decision firmly, but respectfully. For example, you might feel guilty because you don’t visit your family as often as they’d like. Make a personal choice about how often you would like to visit, and express your choice firmly to them. You are not responsible for how they feel about your choice. At work you might go above and beyond your job requirements at the expense of your own time with friends and family, which can lead you to burnout. Despite your fears (“what if I lose my job?”), you can start by setting limits on how often you work and communicating it assertively (saying “I am not available to work on the weekend”).  

To summarize, when boundaries are blurry or loose, we do things we don’t want to do, often at the expense of our well-being. This leads to frustration within ourselves and can damage relationships with others. Being responsible for minding our own emotions and actions rather than those of others is essential to keeping our relationships (and ourselves!) healthy.

If you’re still struggling with how to set and maintain your boundaries and limits, feel free to contact me please contact me at (717) 288-5064 / gregghammond@restoringbalancelancaster.com and schedule an appointment today. Together, we can develop boundaries that can keep you feeling emotionally and physically safe.

“The Haunting of Hill House” Part 2: Trauma and Its Aftermath

Traumatizing experiences shake the foundations of our beliefs about safety, and shatter our assumptions of trust. Because they are so far outside what we would expect, these events provoke reactions that feel strange and "crazy". Even though these reactions can be unusual and disturbing, they are typical and expected. By and large, they are normal responses to abnormal events.

Trauma symptoms originally evolved to help us recognize and avoid other dangerous situations quickly (before it was too late). Sometimes these symptoms resolve themselves within a few days or weeks of a disturbing experience. Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event will develop PTSD, but when many symptoms persist for weeks or months, or when they are extreme, treatment with a professional can be beneficial. On the other hand, if symptoms persist for several months without treatment, then avoidance can become the method used to cope with the trauma (and this strategy interferes with seeking professional help). Postponing needed intervention for a year or more, and allowing avoidance defenses to develop, could make this work much more difficult in the future.

We create meaning out of the context in which events occur, so there is always a strong subjective element in people's responses to traumatic events. An example of this would be in the case of disasters, where a broad cross-section of the population is exposed to the same traumatic experience, but  react with different coping mechanisms (both adaptive and maladaptive).

Some of the potential long term results of unresolved trauma include:

• fear, anxiety, worrying or ruminating (intrusive thoughts of the trauma)

• grief, disorientation, denial

• hyper-alertness or hypervigilance

• irritability, restlessness, outbursts of anger or rage

• emotional swings – like crying and then laughing

• Nightmares and flashbacks – feeling like the trauma is happening now

• feelings of helplessness and a sense of being out of control

• increased need to control everyday experiences

• minimizing the experience

• attempts to avoid anything associated with trauma

• tendency to isolate

• feelings of detachment

• emotional numbing or restricted range of feelings

• difficulty trusting and feelings of betrayal

• difficulty concentrating or remembering

• feelings of self-blame or survivor guilt

• shame

• lessened interest in everyday activities or depression

• unpleasant past memories resurfacing

• loss of a sense of order or fairness in the world; expectation of doom and fear of the future

• becoming obsessive

• increased use of alcohol and drugs

• questioning faith or religion

“The Haunting of Hill House” is a wonderful depiction of the effects of personal and familial trauma with each of the children showing multiples of the symptoms discussed above. When families share a trauma, each individual reacts to it in a different way, but the family also reacts as a unit, often playing out dynamics and patterns that serve to keep the family stuck in an unbeneficial cycle. If Hill House is personified as a monster that feeds on its inhabitants, the family unit itself is also personified as a kind of organism that thrives on suffering in the form of co-dependency. As the show progresses, you see each member of the Crain family pushed deeper into private psychological terrors that manifest as terrifying ghosts. Themes of generational trauma, inherited mental illness, and the guilt and fear that accompany them, run throughout the stories of the Crain siblings and their parents.

Hill House follows two timelines: the Crain siblings’ horrific childhood, and a more intimate look at how that trauma and its aftermath have dominated their lives. The Crains have tried to hide and push down their grief (Theo through meaningless sex, Luke through drugs, Shirley through controlling her environment, Steve through denial) and each has maintained a facade in their relationships with each other, despite their shared trauma experiences. Trauma holds such a primal place for the Crains (just like all of us) and their perception of themselves that the siblings even argue about their right to claim and discuss their childhood (as if they can control it by taking ownership of it).

Most of the problems faced by the Crain family members (infidelity, shame, dishonesty, addiction, emotional withholding, obsessive behavior) are all fairly “normal” family issues (in the sense that pretty much every family can tick off one of them in their family tree). When trauma occurs, it exacerbates the family issues to different degrees. Each of those problems are painstakingly traced back to their childhood summer living in Hill House.

Because of the mysterious death of their mother, the Crain children have not been able to get closure. They haven't been able to properly contextualize their mother’s death.

Shirley takes a direct approach to dealing with the trauma . Along with the death of her mother, and the experiences involving the rapid death of an entire litter of kittens (interestingly, motherless kittens who eventually succumb to disease… just like the Crains being motherless and succumbing to mental illness). Shirley ends up sublimating (a coping mechanism meaning an expression of anxiety in socially acceptable way) her childhood fear of death into a career of ‘fixing’ dead bodies by becoming a mortician. She distances herself from the emotions of death by focusing on the exterior of the bodies.

Steven’s belief system protects him from reality and it serves to insulate him from his family and the past. By establishing his own narrative about what happened, Steven has been able to compartmentalize the trauma he has experienced, which is a very elaborate coping mechanism.

Theo absorbs the experiences of those around her with a high degree of empathy and this allows her to take on a large amount of emotional pain from others. She does her best to shield herself through the use of the gloves, her alcohol usage, blunt demeanor, emotional numbing, and the purely physical relationships that she has in her life.

Luke’s use of drugs is his way of numbing his memory of trauma. It seems likely that Luke also has a potential of arrested development (emotional) as a result of his trauma as well. As his parents gives him the bowler hat, they makes it a point to tell him that the hat signifies him becoming a ‘big boy’, but then the hat is taken away from him by the ghost of William Hill, symbolically leaving him in a regressed state.

Nellie, along with Luke, seemed to receive the brunt of the emotional scarring as a result of their summer at Hill House. Nellie has moved through life with a sense of emptiness and feeling invisible to others, especially her family. This is best portrayed in the scene when Nell becomes invisible to her family and despite their attempts to find her, she goes undetected. This best encapsulates the Crain family dynamic in relation to Nell as her feelings are continually deprioritized in relation to her siblings.

In the show, family is protection (both Nell and Luke use counting up to seven, the number of members of their family unit, as a kind of coping mechanism and a way to keep the ghosts at bay) but it is also a painful repetition of fears and anxieties that have no end. The family was unable to get the help needed to allow them to use the power of family relationships for healing. Thankfully, there is a sense of coming together in the end of the show, but unfortunately, it was decades delayed.

While trauma and its impact is a theme of “The Haunting of Hill House,” it is extremely important that those with trauma in their history seek treatment from a professional.

For help with processing a trauma in the Lancaster, PA area, please contact me at (717) 288-5064 / gregghammond@restoringbalancelancaster.com and schedule an appointment today.

“The Haunting of Hill House” Part 1: The Stages of Grief

While I watched “The Haunting of Hill House” on Netflix recently, I found myself being more drawn to the symbolism more than the scary moments, recognizing that the ghosts, while scary, are just representations of the “ghosts” we carry with us through our lives and don’t ever want to face, but we know they are there… they follow us and haunt us... almost always brought on by trauma… I’ve convinced my wife to watch the show (I wanted to see it again!) and felt inspired to share some connections I’ve made to my role as a therapist and how they relate to all of us.

Obligatory Spoiler Alert. If you haven’t watched the show, go watch it now! I’ll wait!

via GIPHY

Part One: The Crain Kids and the Stages of Grief

There may be a moment in the show when you come to the realization that each of the Crain siblings represent the stages of grief, and in this case, the grieving of their mother’s apparent suicide and the loss of an ability to lead a ‘normal’ life after the experiences at the house. Even more interesting is that they represent the stages from oldest (Steve) to youngest (Nell). If you are wondering what the stages of grief actually are, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross originally wrote about them in 1969 and her stages remain the ‘go to’ when trying to place grief in a framework. She named the stages as follows and she believed that they occured in this order, although current belief is that they cycle and the order is unique to each person:

1. Denial: Somehow you must be mistaken, and cling to a false reality that is more acceptable to you.

2. Anger: When the grieving person recognizes that denial can’t continue, they become frustrated and direct it toward others in their world. Often, there is a component of blame and victim mentality. "Why me? It's not fair!" or  "How can this happen to me?" are fairly common questions.

3. Bargaining: The grieving person will attempt to essentially negotiate with the traumatic event. They might attempt to bargain with a higher power or attempt to adapt their life in order to put off facing the trauma.

4. Depression: The grieving person may face their own mortality or come to believe that they have no reason to go on because of the loss in their life.

5. Acceptance: The grieving person comes to acknowledge the trauma event as reality and there is some type of relief or catharsis.

Steven Crain as “Denial”: Steve goes through his life denying what he saw and experienced as a child at Hill House. He discredits any memories of ghosts in the house when brought up by his siblings, and he believes that they are all mentally ill, just like their mother which led to her suicide. Somehow, what he knows to be true has to have another explanation than the reality.

Steve’s denial is best represented when Steve’s father told Steve to close his eyes as they are escaping the house. Steve metaphorically, kept his eyes shut all the way through his life. Throughout the show, Steve is in the position to have to face the truth (Nell’s death, the clock repairer ghost appearing to him) until a point late in the show when his denial is broken and can’t be sustained any longer.

Shirley Crain as “Anger”: Shirley is a walking ball of anger. Angry with her father for leaving the home without her mother, at Steve for exposing the family to ridicule by writing the story of Hill House, and angry at Nell for repeating what happened to their mother. Shirley has spent a good deal of her life resenting the fact that she had to be the ‘mom’ of the family, because her mother left them and Steve wouldn’t accept responsibility (victim). Her life is out of control and she unsuccessfully tries to control it...the fear of being out of control comes out in anger.

Theodora Crain as “Bargaining”: Theo wears her gloves to keep herself from feeling (she has  adapted her life in order to avoid facing her trauma)...as if the gloves are a way to control her empathic skills (or telepathic, in this case). The gloves shield her from deep interpersonal relationships which she also does by limiting her relationships to one night stands. She lives her life in an attempt to avoid connection (the significance of being the middle child (loner, excluded) is at play here too), but later in the series, when she touches Nell’s dead body and feels nothing, she comes to a realization that connection (to something, to anything) is all that she wants. Her confessional speech to Shirley about feeling empty and wanting to connect with her life again after they run off the road is raw and powerful (giving me more chills than the ghosts!).

Luke Crain as “Depression”: When Luke discovers that his twin sister, Nell, is dead, he believes that he can’t go on living without her. Luke and Nell arguably experienced the worst of the horror in Hill House (compounded by their innate twin connection) and Luke uses heroin as a way of numbing his suffering (this numbing is very prevalent in people that feel flooded with emotional pain). He also has the obsessive tendency to count to seven (the number of family members) to build a protective wall around him to keep the trauma away. Even when he attempts to pull out of the depression through gaining sobriety for 90 days, the “floating man” follows him wherever he goes, reminding him of the pain he wants to avoid.

Nellie Crain as “Acceptance”: Nell is haunted by the “bent-neck lady” throughout her life, leading to high levels of depression and anxiety. Later, she comes to the realization that what she has been witnessing (the physical aftermath of a suicide by hanging) has been her all along in the future. After Nell ‘gives herself’ to the house in an attempt to reunite with her dead mother, she is able to reach a point of forgiveness of her siblings for what they have done in their lives to discount, minimize, blame, or exclude her. There is relief in her forgiveness...she’s no longer suffering with anger or depression. She tells her siblings at the end of the show, “Forgiveness is warm. Like a tear on a cheek,” noting that she loved them completely and she knows they loved her, despite their actions that have hurt her in the past.

While grief is a current that runs through “The Haunting of Hill House,” it is a significant factor in each of our lives from time to time. It can be something that exacerbates a mental illness or brings underlying mental illness into our awareness. If you are grieving the loss of something or someone in your life, please seek professional help to guide you through the grieving process.

For help with your grieving process in the Lancaster, PA area, please contact me at (717) 288-5064 / gregghammond@restoringbalancelancaster.com and schedule an appointment today.

So, Where Should We Begin?

Soooo….what are people supposed to talk about in therapy?  The past? My mother? The events of my week? My grocery list? My deepest, darkest fears?  Should I talk about my work stress or about my dreams or nightmares? Should I just talk about my feelings? How much information do I need to give for what I say to make sense? Is my therapist expecting something in particular?

Many clients, especially at the beginning of therapy, feel uncertain and anxious about which details of their life are worth sharing and what is not (mixed with fears that the therapist will judge as they expect others in their lives to do). Some clients may feel like they have to come up with interesting insights each session, or that they have to come prepared with discussion topics. Some may come to therapy with a more “wait and see” approach, but then start to doubt whether they’re accomplishing anything when there’s moments in which there is “nothing to talk about.”

Overall, there is no specific “one size fits all” approach, because each person is unique. The most important point is to be open with your therapist about your concerns and questions… even if it is “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing!”... you might just get some welcome feedback. I’ve put together some things to consider when coming to therapy that can help lessen some anxiety you might have:

1. Everything is relevant.

Everything you talk about sheds more light on what it’s like to be you, and how you make sense of your world. It’s very helpful for your therapist to know what it is like to be you as he or she works to get to know you, and to understand better what your strengths, values, goals, and those things that keep you stuck. Note: If you find yourself running through mundane details of your week or hitting awkward silences, it may be a cue that there's a deeper issue you're avoiding. Ask yourself what it is you're not talking about and contemplate the fear of saying it. Push yourself beyond “it is what it is” or “whatever” and tackle some deeper questions.

2. If it feels important, it is.

Sometimes you may just not understand why something feels important, but you’ve had a reaction to it. It’s okay to bring that up.  You don’t need to know everything about a topic in order to start talking about it. Your primary task in therapy is just to be you at your most natural and genuine; your therapist is there to help you make sense of the themes running through your life and story and to help you identify if it has led you off the path you’re hoping to go in your life.

3. Pay attention to your gut.

We’re taught in life to suppress, minimize, and avoid our feelings, but if you notice that you have a strong feeling connected to something, that’s a good sign that it is important to you on some level. Rather than avoid the experience, bring it up and out. Chances are that the areas of your life that lead to strong emotional reactions will be the areas where therapy can help the most.

4. Some questions to ask yourself during the week between sessions.

• “What bothered me this week more than it usually does?” “When was I surprised by my reaction?”  The things that trigger us often give us an insight into old wounds in our life that have not been resolved. They also may give you insight into ways you’ve adapted your life to avoid those experiences.   

• “What things did I say to myself when I was upset?” By letting your therapist in on your harsh self-critic mind, you can begin the work toward understanding your self-concept and the ways in which you may have learned to to beat yourself up in your mind.  

• “How do I actually feel in session?” “ What do I experience when I talk about certain things?” When do I feel disappointed in session? A confident therapist will be open to discussing these things with you, and will help you explore the ways in which therapy does or doesn’t meet expectations for you (this goes back to your uniqueness and unique experience). This can be especially helpful if you’re feeling that something you need is not being addressed.

Therapy is an investment toward the life you want to live. You can get the most return on your investment by making an effort to be yourself (warts ‘n all)... this vulnerability brings you closer to your authentic self.

For help In the Lancaster, PA area moving toward the life you want to live, please contact me at (717) 288-5064 / gregghammond@restoringbalancelancaster.com and schedule an appointment.

Try This 4 Step Process When Feeling Stressed Out

Roughly two-thirds of Americans say they need help for stress in their lives. Having said that, it’s important to remember that stress itself is not the problem (it’s ever-present). Instead, it’s how we relate to stress. The stress response (Fight/Flight/Freeze) is critical to our survival and it is instinctual. Of course, most of us don’t experience life-or-death threats all that often. We usually experience stress reactions in response to thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations. If we’re actively engaged in worry about whether we can put food on the table or pass the final exam, the stress reaction activates and all the bodily systems involved in the process turn on. If the bodily systems involved in stress don’t slow down and normalize, the effects can be severe on our mind and body (high blood pressure, muscle tension, anxiety, insomnia, chronic inflammation/pain, gastrointestinal issues, and a suppressed immune system).

Giving yourself space in your day to stop, coming down from the worried mind, and orienting yourself to the present moment has been shown to be enormously helpful in lessening the negative effects of our stress response. When we come back to the present, we’re more likely to gain perspective and see that we have the power to regulate our response to pressure.

So you might be wondering why the STOP sign? Here’s a short practice you can use at times throughout your day to step into that space between stimulus and response.

Sometimes understanding and practicing mindfulness can seem difficult at first. If you would like some guidance and gain a deeper understanding of how it can help you, consider reaching out and scheduling an appointment. You can contact me at (717) 288-5064 / gregghammond@restoringbalancelancaster.com and we can work together to bring you back to the best place to be… the present!

Toxic Relationships: How to Identify Them and What to Do

Many of the clients who I have seen (both individually and as couples) are in relationships that are full of arguing, drama, and constant stress. All relationships have their struggles, and all long-term relationships require consistent hard work and adaptation to grow and prosper. However, there is a certain group of relationships that continues on with this level of stress without relief. Oddly, many of the people in these relationships insist on continuing on in this way. I think this is largely in part to that fact that they do not realize that they are in this type of relationship, and that there is another way of living. It becomes normal with repetitive cycles that reinforce the negativity. I am writing this in hopes of helping people better identify if they are in a toxic relationship along with some suggestions to overcome this lifestyle.

Toxic relationships include:

•  Poor Communication

•  Mind-Reading (assumptions)

•  Using Sex as Manipulation

•  Repeated Derogatory, Dismissive, Spiteful, and Sarcastic Remarks

•  Nagging

•  Passive-Aggressiveness Behavior

•  Lack of Trust

•  Intimidation

•  Using Money as Power

If you experience these on a daily basis, you are likely in a relationship that would be considered to be toxic. Detoxifying your relationship could require some of the following:

•   Opening up Communication through Mirroring, Validation, and Empathy

•   Setting Clear Expectations (limits and boundaries)

•   Being Assertive vs. Aggressive, Passive, or Passive Aggressive

•   Accepting Differences and Understanding the Motives of the Other

•   Sexual Relations Built on Respect

•   Stop Assuming and Use Active Listening Skills.

Sometimes, there is no avenue for detoxifying some relationships and the best course of action includes leaving the relationship completely. This can be very scary, intimidating, and complicated due to each person’s attachment styles, financial concerns, shared children, and even fear of increased aggressive behavior on the part of the partner.

Because of the difficulties people have with identifying that they are in a toxic relationship and the complexity of many of the issues associated with these problems, I highly recommend you seek out a counselor or therapist to help you and your partner improve on these skills.

For couples, marriage, and relationship counseling in Lancaster, PA, please contact me at (717) 288-5064 / gregghammond@restoringbalancelancaster.com and take the opportunity to improve your relationship!!

Depression Does Not Discriminate

The ugly truth about depression is that it doesn’t give a damn who you are. It does not discriminate. It is an equal opportunity illness that can afflict us all at any time. Depression doesn’t care if you were the top in your class and graduated with honors, or if you were the most popular kid in school  and were constantly surrounded by friends. Depression doesn’t care if are a young child with loving, caring parents, or if you are the star athlete on your team. Depression doesn’t care if you just married the person of your dreams and have your whole life ahead of you, or if you gave birth to the healthiest, happiest, most beautiful child ever. Depression does not care if you landed your dream job, built the most successful company, or are a Hollywood celebrity like Dwayne Johnson. It doesn’t care if you make millions. You cannot buy it off.

Sometimes the thought is “if I only had ______, then I will be happy.” This faulty thought leads to always searching for the next item, the next dollar, the next promotion to seek happiness. But what happens when those things come to you and you still are not happy? You seek out more (something external to resolve something internal). It’s a never ending cycle that leaves us exhausted and empty.

Shedding some light on some of the famous people we see and imagine that they ‘Have it all” and envy their lives, can reveal another reminder that depression, and mental illness in general, do not discriminate:

1) DWAYNE ‘THE ROCK’ JOHNSON

“I found that, with depression, one of the most important things you could realize is that you’re not alone.”

In a 2018 interview, actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson says he’s battled depression multiple times in his life. The first came at 15 after his mother attempted suicide in front of him. His most severe episode happened after injuries forced him to give up his dream of playing professional football. Johnson encourages people with depression to ask for help, even if being vulnerable feels hard.

2) J.K. ROWLING

“We’re talking suicidal thoughts here, we’re not talking ‘I’m a little bit miserable.’ “

The author told Oprah Winfrey in 2010: “It's so difficult to describe depression to someone who's never been there, because it's not sadness, but it's that cold absence of feeling - that really hollowed-out feeling.”

Rowling added that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped her move forward. Rowling says she has never been ashamed of depression or of deciding to seek help.

3) JON HAMM

“We live in a world where to admit anything negative about yourself is seen as a weakness, when it’s actually a strength. It’s not a weak move to say, ‘I need help.’”

Hamm has been open about his struggles with depression and says it was particularly rough after his father died when he was in college. In an interview with InStyle magazine, Hamm spoke about the benefits of therapy.

4) MICHAEL PHELPS

“I said to myself so many times, ‘Why didn’t I [get help] 10 years ago?’”

Phelps had an episode of depression “after every Olympics” beginning in 2004. After the 2012 Olympics, he says he spent days in his room with little food or sleep, thinking about ending his life. After that episode, he decided to get treatment. As Phelps talked with a mental health professional, he felt much better than before.

By questioning how it is even possible that people we believe should have nothing to be sad about, but do actually suffer from depression, we are actually sending the message that, if you have what we deem to be enough, then we don’t want to hear about how unhappy you really are, because you aren’t ‘supposed to be depressed.’ How often have you thought “what do they have to be sad about?” Doing so belittles over 10 million adults… the people going to work or school every day, raising their kids and taking them to Taekwondo, violin recitals, and sports practices, or showing up at school meetings…  all while suffering from depression every day.

If you or a loved one is experiencing depression, you are not alone. Depression can affect people from all walks of life. A therapist can help you improve your mood and regain your sense of self. There is no shame in getting help.

For Depression counseling in Lancaster, PA, please contact me at (717) 288-5064 / gregghammond@restoringbalancelancaster.com and take the opportunity to make change a lot more comfortable!!

1. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson: My secret battle with depression. (2018, April 1). Express. Retrieved from https://www.express.co.uk/celebrity-news/939767/Dwayne-the-rock-Johnson-secret-battle-with-depression

2. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson shares inspiring message for people with depression. (2015, November 17). Today. Retrieved from https://www.today.com/health/dwayne-rock-johnson-shares-inspiring-message-people-depression-t56586

3. J.K. Rowling contemplated suicide. (2008, March 23). Telegraph. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1582552/JK-Rowling-contemplated-suicide.html

4. Oprah Winfrey Show: “The Brilliant Mind Behind Harry Potter.”

5. InStyle: "Jon Hamm on Life After Mad Men and Why Being Single 'Sucks.' ”

6. Michael Phelps: ‘I am extremely thankful that I did not take my life.’ (2018, January 20). CNN. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/19/health/michael-phelps-depression/index.html

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